My back is killing me...

...and I hate you all.

Wait.

That's not nice. Ok -- my back is killing me and I wish you all the same immense pain that I am suffering right now. Yea...that's a little nicer.

No matter what I do, I just can't get comfortable!!! Nine more weeks of this?! Really? I am not going to make it.

I don't sleep through the night. You would think that sitting would feel good, right? Negative! The only time that I am without pain is when I'm sleeping -- and then I'm pretty sure I'm friggin dreaming about it.

Have more than one child and be pregnant again?! No and thank you sir. Miss me like you just missed that bus.

I'm so miserable I was silently daring this teen to step on my toe this morning on the train so I could have a reason to cuss someone out, lol.

Anywho.. I've heard your request (and demand, hmph) for pictures and I will post. Somehow, someway I will post for my bloggers. Not you d@mn lurkers, MUHAHAHA!

I'ze Married Now!!!

Yes, yes ya'll... Snappy done made a respectable woman outta me, lol.

Just call me Mrs. Snappy! Actually since this is MY blog (ahem..) we'll just call him Mr. Boogie.

So, the weekend was beautifully perfect. We had our small ceremony at our church with our families, then we took pictures by the water, followed by a romantical dinner and a horse drawn carriage ride around the city. By this time, you know your girl was tyyyyyyyyred!! All in all it was the most perfect wedding day I could have asked for. Mr. Boogie has made me a happy woman and I'm glad to be known as his wife and not his baby momma, lol.

Ok, so ya'll know I don't condone violence right? But sometimes, shyt is just FUNNY. How about I got a cousin thats a cop. He is like six foot five and comfortably around 250 pounds. A BIG @ss nigga. He got married two years ago to this little petite, cute southern bell. Clearly that was just on the outside because she tried to stab him and he had to not only pull his gun on her BUT call the cops on her too, LOL! Now she has to take anger management classes because that was the second time she's tried to cut him up. WOW!

You embarrass me...

So....

Me and Snappy are getting hitched on Saturday.

In January I was going through a bottle of wine a week -- come December I'll be trying to figure out how to deal with chaffed nipples and booty rashes.

But, thats not the point of this blog. No ma'am... the point of this blog is that Snappy said I'm embarrassing him.

How am I doing this you might ask?

By hyphenating my last name -- instead of dropping it and completely taking his. Yes, this negro said its embarrassing for me to do that.

{{enter blank face here}}

And you know what I say? Miss me with that foolishness son!!!! Shyyttttt... I could be extra gangsta like my mom and keep my last name period, lol. But, I'm trying to be somewhat rational and I'm going to add his name on. Leave me alone about it. Hmph.

In other news, I am finally in my third (and LAST) trimester -- can someone pass the courvoisier? I'm having my second ultra sound on Friday because I've only gained .... 8 pounds my entire pregnancy.. so they wanna check on the babies weight. Now, if you know Sha Boogie, you know I ain't never had a problem putting away some food. Not now, not ever. What little man in my belly is doing with all of it, I dunno, lol. But him got people thinking I'm not eating enough!! Not to mention.... at my appointment yesterday they said I lost TWO pounds since my last appointment, which was two weeks prior. I don't know what kind of fuckery this is, but I don't want any parts of it.

Why am I being punished?

So...

Back when I first met Snappy, his reaction to me was 'd@mn....I would stop smoking for her!'

Fast forward almost two years later and we are still fighting the nicotine battle.


*sigh*

When I got pregnant, I figured once and for all we would wrestle this demon to the ground and make mince meat out of his ass. So, about 3 weeks ago, Snappy's doc gives him a prescription for the patch -- thank ya' Lawd!! And we began a cancer stick count down.

Snappy agreed that the pack he had would be his last and then he would start on the patch. Fair enough, I don't want to punish the man, I just want him to quit. So, everyday I'd ask Snap how many ciggs he had left to help him count down. 18....15....12....9... until I forgot to continue asking (thanks pregnancy brain!)

So, on Sunday the pastor is preaching about things that people have overcome -- drugs, drinking, smoking.... Ding! Ding! Sweet baby Jesus reminds me of my cigarette count down. When we get in the car I ask Snap how many cigs does he have left.... uhm.. uhm.. I dunno. Wait a minute... did you buy a NEW pack, negro? Yes. I had to break my boo down in the nicest way possible. First of all, you lied. Second of all you lied and third of all we had an agreement and you lied. Give up that brand new pack, son.

That was Sunday -- what has Snappy been doing ever since? Acting like a contestant for a new show he must be starring in called C rack heads gone Wild. He is animated 24/7 -- I mean, I was expecting attitude from the nicotine withdrawal, not to be living with a nigga that's constantly acting like he's tweaking! And when I tell him to shut up, sit down, be quiet, stop touching me, leave me alone... you know what this fool says?

GIMME A CIGARETTE.

{{enter blank face here}}

Why am I being punished?

Jesus, be a fence all around me please, unless you plan on drop kicking this fool!

This morning, he's taking me to work, singing at the top of his lungs, grabbing my tender melons (aka breasts for ya'll slow folks) and asking me if we can do it in my office..... HELP!! This is so not fair. Yesterday, as I'm laying on my couch slowly dying from this intense pregnancy back pains, he's dancing around me singing jingles he's made up. I tell him to shut up and what does he say?

GIMME A CIGARETTE.

I seriously think he is trying to drive me crazy so that I'll cave in --but no. I am going to fight this until the end.

Or light his ass on fire.