Little Bastard

Daggone..I ain't posted inna minute! Where do I begin... well, Snappy and I 'trimmed' our first tree together. No, that is not it, lol. But, that nigga was trying to have my ish' looking all ghetto talking about 'lets use multi-colored lights!' Uhhhh...no. How about we don't and say we did, k? I'm all about the white lights and the classic decor look. Hmph.

Anywho..last Friday I got my hair did after work. Got home around 10ish..and boo was laid up on the couch. He didn't feel like eating, I didn't feel like cooking -- so it was a match made in heaven. I waltz off the fridge to grab a beer..do a 90 degree turn to grab an opener and what do I see? A MU'FUGGIN MOUSE ON MY GOTDAMN STOVE!!!!!!!! Now, please believe me when I say, Sha Boogie is no were nears living in the neighborhood of being a nasty bytch. Dishes never in the sink over night, stove wiped down after every meal, floors mopped and swept regularly, etc...

So, I'm lookin at that little bastard...he's looking @ me..and I'm looking right back at it! Don't you know this lil nigga never made a move to get off my stove??? So, I trot, skip, run into the living room like 'snap! snap! there is a damn mouse on the stove!' This fool gonna look at me and go 'what you want me to do about it?'
{{enter dumb face here}} get your ass up and get it!!! Snap begrudgingly gets up as I take his place on the couch --cowering. All is silent until I hear this loud ass clatter and bang from the kitchen. I told this negro to get the mouse -- not annihilate it! I peek around the corner.......to see this dude up on one of our bar stool chairs with a broom attempting to sweep the mouse off the stove from clear across the room! Yes, the mouse was still sitting on the stove in the exact some position, looking at us. So, we figured it was either dying, or was prego... either way -- BIG YUCK!

Long story, a little bit shorter...Snap figures if we sweep it off the stove it ain't going to run anywhere, since its been sitting in the exact same position for about an hour now, anyway. WRONG!!!!! he sweeps the mouse off, drops the broom and runs like a little beyoch. Just to come back into the kitchen and find the mouse long gone. By now its after midnight, so we call it quits and go to bed. Snap was up at 6am to go to work, kissed me good bye and was heading for the door when I hear him come stomping back towards the bedroom. 'babe! babe! get up! now! its back! its on the dinning room floor!' Well, ain't that a bytch. I get up to find the same damn long tailed mouse just sitting on my rug looking like we was invading its privacy. Little bastard. And again -- it doesn't move! We turn on the lights and are standing maybe a foot away talking about it -- and you'd think it would make a run for cover. Nope! Snap decides he's gonna go grab a bucket and drop it on top of it, for us (read:me) to deal with later, so he won't be late for work.

This nigga does a drive by on the mouse and drops the bucket on its tail, LOL! All you hear is this loud ass screech and see the little tail flickering back and forth. Yuck. He leaves for work, I go back to bed and mickey is under the bucket, hopefully dying. Later that morning, my godson's mom was coming over because I promised to make her some shrimp n' grits. Mmmm... But, now she was gonna have to work for that meal {{enter evil cackle here}}. So, I go into the long story with her about seeing the mouse, the mouse playing dead then running away..what happened that morning..right up until I point out the bucket, weirdly sitting upside down in our dining room, haha!

She's like hell no Sha! And of course I'm like hell yes -- if you want some shrimp n' grits. We devise a seemingly fool proof plan.. she holds a box under the top stair of the staircase and I push the bucket to the edge -- shoving the mouse inside. Genius! We decided we need a little liquid courage, so I open a bottle of wine - at 10am, lol. After about 5..6..ok, 7 false starts we switch roles and she shoves the bucket to the edge of the stairs while I hold the box. We're both screaming like maniacs as I hear the mouse hit the bottom of the box with a thud. Thankfully, I had the brilliant idea to put the box in a trash bag, so all I had to do was pull the string.

I was still to petrified of the mouse, in the bag, in the box -- so my gurl takes it and runs across the street to a park and drops the whole lot into a metal trash barrel. Ha! Take that mickey. But, I guess the joke was on me, because later that day as I was handling my business in the loo, dontcha' know a fuggin mouse ran from behind the toilet over my damn house shoe?!? Fuck!!!

Forget this mess. I call the landlord, he comes with traps and plugs up some holes. The coast was clear for a WEEK. Until I was cooking dinner and reached in a cabinet for a pot. Don't you know one of them suckers dived off the pot I wanted into a hole beside a pipe? AHA! Gotcha, little bastard. I called Snap freaking out and he came home with steel.wool to plug up the hole.

Party done! Go find someone else to perster, ya' little bastards...