Dollar Store Blues

So, I'm still adjusting to the fact that getting married and having a baby killed three of my friendships. These are the three friends that pitched in to get me a bag full of BULLSHIT from the $1 store and didn't think anything was wrong with it **enter blank face here**

A few weeks ago I was tired of thinking about it so I confronted the ringleader. 'What do you mean you gave the stuff away? I don't have kids, so I didn't know what to get you. Was I supposed to get you a crib or something? I'll be around that kid for a long time, so I will always buy him things. My family did a lot for you growing up, that should count!'

Blah..blah..blah.. And in the end, I ended up being the bad guy for telling them I was insulted by them coming to my baby shower, being anti social, leaving before the gifts were even opened. Ugghh.. thinking about this again is annoying me so I'm gonna stop.

Today lil Snappy will be over. Snappy said he wouldn't go to church on Sunday because he's afraid to bring her, LOL! I'm like dude, she comes over every other weekend now, so your not gonna go to church because your afraid of her talking?? If we can bring a 6 week old to church, we can bring a 6 year old... boy, bye!!

Yesterday I was walking into a store and a dude outside asked me for 25 cents. I didn't have change so I gave him the head nod and kept it moving. On the way out he had on sunglasses and asked me for 45 cents? Is that your disguise? Since when is begging affected by inflation?

My brother has a FB page now. He obviously thinks its Black.Planet because he has nothing but muscle pics on his page of him in the mirror flexing...Jesus, the wheel please.

Check her pockets..

First..I wanna give a big Sha Boogie hug and shout out to Monie --so happy to see you back on the blogs :)

I survived the weekend ya'll...I survived 3 days and 2 nights with crazy ass lil Snappy. I be trying to tell Snappy that his kid is bi-polar, but he don't hear me though, hmph. I told my mom I'm afraid she'll get jealous of baby snap --you know what this heffa said? 'Check her pockets'. LOL!! What I look like digging through a six year olds pockets? (even though it ain't a bad idea, really...)

Ohh..this little girl is SNEAKY!! She sneaky I tell you. I was walking into the kitchen to mind my business and Snappy told me how she was like 'daddy, Sha boogie is going into the kitchen because she has to tell you something' (I really wasn't thought!) He comes into the kitchen to grab a beer and catches that little so and so calling herself sneaking around the other way to eavesdrop on whatever conversation she THOUGH we were gonna have!

Not to mention everytime Snappy open his mouth to say something to me all of a sudden she got something to say, lol. Of course I noticed it from day one, but him JUST picked up on it. Talking about am I going crazy or is it everytime I start to say something to Sha all of a sudden you got something to say lil snappy?! Hmph.. I don't know ya'll -- I hate to have to keep my eyes on this little girl around my baby, but I ain't playing this jealousy game...

What say ya'll bout this here situation?

Do I look like boo boo the fool?

I totally had a whole post written in my head at 2am when baby snap was ravaging my boobs.. think I remember what I was gonna write, now? NOPE!

So, baby snappy turned one month old on the 14th and ya gurl smells her freedom! His name is E.famil, mmmkay? To celebrate my emancipation from soely boob feeding I'm going to a beer tasting tonight, holla! I am so excited I can boob feed and do formula now, ohhhh chile! I felt like this boy was my siamiese twin because he was stuck to me, sheeeeiiiit.

The other day Snappy came in the house with this big ol' plastic bag after visiting his daughter. Him come in here talking about ' lil snappy's mom gave us some diapers... i guess as a gesture of kindness'**rolling my eyes** Why come this fool had a diaper cake from when lil snappy was a baby (she is now fuggin SIX!!) and gave us the diapers. Do I look like boo boo the fool? What I look like putting six year old dusty, cheap ass diapers on my baby's booty that I so loving wipe down with A&D ointment?! Get the fugg outta here! At first I looked at Snappy like 'c mon son' because there was no way in hell I was using those diapers. So, I snuck em' out the house this morning to put out with the trash, ha!

Who knew..

In the famous words of B.orat "WA WA WEEE WA!!"

Who friggin knew? I'm writing a tell all expose on this baby business because ain't narey a one of ya told me about this every two -three hour feeding business. Huh and say what? This is foolywang at its best! By the time I fall asleep this lil dude is back up again giving my titty the side eye like how YOUUU duin'? Hmph.

Thanks to all my blog besties, homies and lurkers for all the love, congrats and advice. But unless any of you heffa's is offering some baby sitting or nipple services I'm giving you all a leery side eye..lol Yesterday my little bugger turned 2 weeks old, wooooh! I'll sneak up a pic when I can *yawn* but doing something more than lifting lil snap from the bassinet to my chest and back again is asking for a little bit to much right now, mmmkay? Shoot, I'm dreaming of a nap right now...ZZZzzzzz....

You iz a lie!!

Yes you.. the person that said babies sleep all day.... LIES!!! lol

Yes, yes ya'll..the king of Zamunda has arrived. Of course he was hating all over me because my water broke the first day I was to start my maternity leave, argghhh!!! Woke up last Monday thinking I done pee'd on myself. How YOU duin? Anywho.. 9 hours of labor, epidurals are the SHYT and 20 minutes of pushing... I got my 8 pound, 2 ounce, 20 inch bundle of joy. Of course Snappy has every last bit of footage he could get, including me trying to take my last bowel movement so I wouldn't push out any surprises on the table. Mission accomplished!!

Love, love, LOVE all the advice in the comments section - you guys rock! I'm nursing, pumping and sneaking sips of beer from Snappy when I can, lol. And your girl is still adjusting to being a mom! I just stare and stare at him, finding it hard to believe he is mine.

He already got my stank tude' because lil man be staring me down at 4am like 'nigga, what?' lol

It's a celebration bytches!!!

So, today is my last day in the office until December. Yes, yes ya'll -- I'll be on maternity leave (vacation in my mind) for 3 months. All this new stuff is kinda exciting and scary all at the same time. More than anything I'm nervous about labor and delivery. You mean to tell me I have to squeeze a baby head out of there?? **Ouch**

My doctor checked my cervix on Tuesday and I left the office TRAUMATIZED. Who knew I was in for a fisting? She took my innocence.... and I want it back, lol. Not to mention Snappy is trying to scare me OUT of getting an epi.dural. Think I'm listening to him? Hell and no! He can deliver baby boogie then talk to me about not using drugs, hmph. I mean, more power to those that did it drug free, but after having my doctor practically shove her whole hand in my cooch, I am not pushing any baby out of my special place without some medicinal help, ok?

I've been trying to imagine what it will be like to be home for 3 months with a newborn and I can't even see it. Sleepless I guess? Any mommy's out there can give me some insight?

Baby Shower..Misery loves company and other random fuckery

Yes..yes..I've been gone far to long and I can't promise this won't happen again, because your gurl is MISERABLE!!!! My stomach itches something terrible, not to mention its heavy as hell, walking is a fuggin chore and I'm STILL at work, arggghhhh!!!! But, I'm sure ya'll don't want to hear me complain, so I'll just move on..

So my baby shower was on Aug. 22 and it was GORGEOUS! We got everything we wanted and then some and what's not exciting about watching my MIL and mom fight over a game as they chased each other around the room like 2 year olds. Ahhh..yes, fun times. Anywho..I have 3 friends that haven't quite 'adjusted' to me getting married and having a baby all in one year. I mean, last time I checked a nigg@ was G-R-O-W-N..but, maybe not. So, they come come in all stank face and anti-social. I show em' love anyway, cuz ain't nobody ruining my party BUT me. Clearly misery loves company because these heffas tried to bring me down to their level. Know how they did that?? By all pitching in, going to the dollar store and getting me a bag full of BULLSHIT that I happily donated to the salvation.army, hmph. Word son? I look like I'm gonna give my son a rattle you got from the $$ store? Now, I ain't knocking nobody that does, but when your Asian co-worker says don't use that shyt because the factories in China they come out of are bad news, well Sha Boogie is def listening, ok?

Anywho, they left right before the gift opening started (and now I know why...) and I wish ya'll could have seen me trying to compose my face pulling alla' that foolywang out of that bag!! How three grown @ss folk gonna sign a gift bag full of shyt from the $$ store?!?!? Ohhhhh, chile! I wish they didn't even waste their $20. The sad thing is, they were (key word: WERE) the friends I had the longest and they didn't even show me no love. Upset because my life is moving in a different direction **rolling my eyes** I could go on and on talking about that foolishness.

So, baby boogie should be here any day now --and by any day I mean I wish he would evacuate the premises NOW. I can't take another hour, day or week of being pregnant. I have to think about how I'll get out of a chair or the bed before I do it, lol. That is madness!! I have hair growing on my knees and I've never had anything but some slight peach fuzz there! And did I mention my shoe selection is limited to flip flops and sneakers? Yea...goes real nice with my work attire.